This was the major question running through my mind most of Saturday and Sunday. All of my worldly possessions (at least for my current life here in Malawi) fit into less than 3 suitcases when I came here 3 months ago. And yet somehow it took 2 truckloads to get everything into Banda’s house. But I’m jumping ahead of myself.

Last week I told Madame Principal of my upcoming move to Banda’s house because – I don’t know why but – things like that are shared here. Personal details are expected to be told to management and if they’re not, well the moment something happens you get a talking to about “why didn’t you share this before?” So I told Madame who promptly told Madame Mwalweni… and everyone else found out lol. Doesn’t bother me, I knew it would happen, but it does make me laugh at how fast news travels here. I feel like even people I’ve never met before know of my living situation now. The awesome thing about Madame Principal telling Madame Mwalweni is that Banda and I were called in for a meeting. Sounds daunting, but it’s actually a lovely sentiment. She was taking me as her daughter and as such she wanted to give Banda her blessing and also ask him to take good care of me and treat me well. And to offer herself as an Auntie with advice if ever we need it. It was all very sweet. I definitely teared up a little bit as she was talking about how I was a daughter of herself and MIRACLE in general and how they love me and want me to be happy.

Of course I failed to really pack beforehand so I spent a couple of frantic days throwing everything into boxes and suitcases. Let me tell you, even packing here seems more arduous. It’s not like you can run down to the store and buy some cardboard boxes or even trashbags. So there hits a point where you’re at a loss as to where to put things. Laundry baskets saved me. As did the box that Laura’s parents sent (thanks!). On top of this, there’s no air conditioning and it’s unbelievably hot in that house whenever you’re not lounging directly in front of the fan. So hot for most of those 2 days of packing and additional day of cleaning that I thought I was going to faint. But I made it. So on Saturday, after a rainy shopping trip in town where we navigated our first joint shopping trip and I got to play with Baby Doreen (yay!), we loaded up the truck and drove across campus to my new home. Thank goodness Banda is the most patient, eternally optimistic, helpful man I’ve ever known because I probably would have collapsed from exhaustion hours before finishing loading the trip. For the first trip, no one was around except for children. But by the second trip, all of the wives on Zimbabwe Line had “casually” gathered to “chat” a.k.a. to watch the happenings. Makes me laugh. Side Note: Zimbabwe Line is that they call the row of 5 teachers’ houses where I now live. It is called that because funding for the project came from a Zimbabwe-based NGO. I think. Former volunteers, correct me if I’m wrong. Spent all day Sunday cleaning the 2 houses – his so that there was clean space to move in – and my old house so that it was good for the brothers. Swept out the whole house – which, by the way, seems way bigger when cleaning it all. Scrubbed out the whole bathroom so it’s now cleaner than it was when we arrived. And I learned how to mop. Sigh. I wasn’t a fan of squeezing out by hand all of that dirty water from the mop. And I don’t really even see the point of mopping. It looked exactly the same afterwards. But I did it. We also burned trash one last time – with Banda burning off his arm hair and me nearly scorching my shins.

Not gonna lie, I was a little nervous about moving in. Had a couple of moments of panic in the car as I was driving across campus. Not about being around him all the time because that I am looking forward to, but more so in terms of household stuff. Since we come from 2 very different cultures, we obviously have different lifestyles/ways of doing things, so I was just nervous about joining those. Plus coming into someone else’s house is always a bit strange. It’s not like we found a new place together and are starting fresh. He already has his own routines and even simple stuff like where he stores things and how he manages water buckets. It seems silly and small but here those things are a huge part of life because they don’t fade into the background thanks to technology and plentiful cupboards like they do in America. Here it’s a real managing task that takes up a good chunk of your time. Where does one wash hands when there is no sink? Which buckets are for dishwashing? Are those inside or outside? Is cooking done inside or outside? Where does he store clean dishes? So it’s a bit strange getting used to the new surroundings, but I’m figuring it out quickly and the nervousness has dissipated. Plus it was simply adorable how excited he was. Like a kid on Christmas morning. So that contagious joy was hard to beat.

I’ll post pictures of the place soon, but for now a bit of a written description. The house is not as big as the last one that I was in, but it’s still way too big for 2 people. There are 3 bedrooms, an outdoor kitchen, and an outdoor shower. So we’re cooking and storing dishes in the kitchen but all of the food and water and refrigerator are in one of the extra bedrooms. I’m definitely stoked about the shower! Namely because the shower at the last place didn’t work, so we had to use a bucket and cup to wash ourselves. You never really feel clean when you can’t use both hands. Always seems to be a layer of soap still on you – which admittedly is far better than a layer of dirt. But anyways, there’s a working shower here – no showerhead though, so it’s like standing under a hose. But to me, bliss. I haven’t felt this clean and refreshed in a long time. The worst thing though is that there is no toilet. Whomp whomp. So I’m using a pit latrine all the time. It’s fine during the day (although a bit of an annoyance to have to walk so far, since I’m one of those 5 year olds who always waits until it’s an outright emergency) but nighttime is another story. Had 2 near-death-from-fright experiences with the not one but TWO bats that live in the pit latrine hole. The second fright was much worse as I was pants-less and thinking that all existing bats had vacated the premises. Wrong. Also had an epic battle with a cockroach the size of your face that took two smashing to kill. But I’m surviving. And getting used to it. Finally using my head lamp. And using the MIRACLE bathroom every morning upon arrival and every afternoon before going home :) There is also no sink which is rather difficult. There’s always a bucket of water around that you can use, but then the question becomes where to pour the water. Because you can’t pour it right out the door or a lake will form. So I’ve placed a handwashing bucket in the shower so it’s easy to access and the drainage problem is solved. Since there is no sink, teeth are brushed in the front yard. I kind of like this though as it gives me a reason to stand outside and stare up at the stars. Another difference is that we wash dishes outside. Must buy a little stool or something because I’m tired of crouching or bending over and it’s only been 2 days. This also means that we don’t do dishes after dinner since it’s dark outside, so dishes are washed in the morning. Must wake up 20 minutes earlier in order to not be late for work. Today I was late :) Oh and there are ants everywhere. You walk away from a plate for 5 minutes and BAM come back to a swarm. I realize all of this sounds a bit awful. It’s really not so bad though, I promise. Just little quarks that take getting used to. And it’s worth it to have electricity and be on campus and to be with the best friend all the time. Vomit.

Meals are different too. I’m a creature of habit that’s for sure, so my meals here before generally consisted of spaghetti, pasta salad, pottage (a bean, potato stew-like mixture), eggs, and rice. To be honest, I had a menu calendar so that I wouldn’t get bean-ed out and would always have food on hand. Man I’m lame. Banda also seems to be a creature of habit for meals but just different ones. Chips (huge French Fries) and eggs are his mainstay. He also makes a lot of rice. And of course nsima. It makes me laugh though because everything either has cooking oil as a major component or is fried in said oil. Chips, the tomato sauce (basically tomatoes, onions, and oil), cabbage salad, even rice has oil in it. And best of all, hard-boiled eggs! That’s right. He fries the eggs after they’ve been hard-boiled. Timing is different too. My mother can attest to the fact that 12:00 = ready for lunch. Dinner between 6 and 7. Always. Even here where things are trickier. But Banda’s more free-spirited :) Lunch at 2, Dinner at 9. Or whenever it happens to come that day. I guess now I understand why he was always late for dinners at Laura’s and my place. Again, I’m getting used to it though.

Got to watch Banda cutting a chicken one night. What’s the right word for that? Paring? Anyways, it’s a real skill that he fortunately learned from his mother. So many different pieces and you have to know where the joints are to slice through, otherwise it all is just a big mess. I was proud of my queasy self for making it through the whole thing. And the benefit is that we get to eat all of that chicken! I feel so spoiled lol eating chicken for 4 or 5 straight days. In my 3 months here with Laura, we bought meat once…and that was only because we were having the boys over for Hamburger Night. So strange to get to have meat more than the 3 school-lunches per week.

I also had the joy of ‘babysitting’ five 4-year-olds on Sunday afternoon. I put it in quotes because really children just roam around here, so my being there was more of an entertainment than supervision. They always hang out at Banda’s place because he lets them watch TV and gives them Sobo (juice) and cookies. Alas he had to leave in the middle of this hanging out and so I was left with them. Normally I would take this as an especially fun experience, but my tiredness from moving and cleaning was pretty intense. And of course the power went out, nixing the music video option. But I managed. Bribed them with bubble gum and snacks, let them play beauty salon with my hair (until she started making knots), watched the boys play soldiers, took pictures, and danced to our own singing. It really was a very fun time! I have decided though that it’d all be much more enjoyable if I could talk to them. They’re at the age where they just chatter on and on – I just wish I could understand their stories because I’m guessing they’re hilarious!

Unfortunately I had a little meltdown re: the children the following day. 2 days in a row with them there for hours. And apparently they were waiting outside our door, just waiting for one of us to come home so they could hang out inside. Don’t get me wrong, I love them. I think they’re adorable. And I enjoy playing with them. Buuuuut I am not a fan of working for 8 hours, coming home exhausted, and then walking in the door to 8 children who are listening to music at full-blast and screaming to each other (they don’t talk, they yell. Constantly) and who I cannot communicate with. Not really something I want to do every day, especially when I am looking forward to just coming home and relaxing with Banda for my 2 hour window before I have to start making dinner and doing house stuff. Also, their presence nixes the more practical things that needed to be done. I wanted to take a shower, but I cannot walk through the room in a towel when they’re there. I wanted to bake brownies, but nope, cannot because they will then expect treats every single day they come over. And lord knows a nap is always out because they’re screaming in the next room. Not that I can go into the bedroom while they’re there because 1. They will take food 2. That would be rude of me. and 3. They climb dangerously all over the furniture. Sigh. So I ended up in the room anyway, having a little meltdown. Sorted it all out though and I’m crossing my fingers that there visits will be not so frequent and thus appreciated.

Discovered a lovely Malawian tradition with my move. Whenever a new person joins the housing community, everyone comes individually to welcome that person and tell them to “feel free” and to feel at home, to visit their houses and to play with their kids. Mlotha was the first to come over. Mumba’s already told Banda he’s coming tonight. I guess sometimes in America you get the random neighbor who will come over with baked goods on moving day, but I just love that it’s a normal thing here for everyone to welcome the newbie, even if they’ve known you for over a year. I got a little choked up and didn’t know how to adequately express how grateful I was but Banda said I did just fine. I guess I should have learned by now that most Malawians I know don’t get all sappy and emotional like I tend to, but I always feel the desire to try to express such things…. Because being so far away from home and everyone I grew up with means that stuff like being welcomed or getting good healthcare or being welcomed inside for a meal… those are the things that really count. So maybe when Mumba comes, I’ll be more eloquent.

HUGE success on Sunday night. I made nsima for the first time SUCCESSFULLY! Oh words cannot even say how proud I was of myself. Banda stood by and gave instructions – and yelled “fast fast” when I wasn’t adding flour fast enough – but I did it all! Oh my arm was so tired, especially because I’m not really tall enough for the height of the table. Must get a stool :) And the result was just the way it was supposed to be. Not just “good for a first try” but legitimately good nsima that I would be willing to serve people. Oh so proud. So with some more practice, I’m sure I’ll be a pro in no time! Then maybe I can work on figuring out different densities. It’s based on the amount of flour that you add – some nsima is really solid and you feel stuffed even after one patty, others are lighter so you can eat more patties but aren’t so full. I prefer the latter as does Banda. I’d say mine from last night was middling – not as dense as the stuff Raymond made but more so than MIRACLE’s which I consider the best – so I want to keep working at it. Great excitement though!!

Community reception has been fabulous. To our knowledge, at least, everyone’s been very excited and supportive (minus some open school girls who are crushed that Banda is off the market). We have had some moments already though of people just not understanding that our relationship is different. That it doesn’t function the way that a stereotypical ‘Malawian’ marriage does. That’s it’s a team, not a master and a servant. And that, as such, I am not going to get up at 4 to prepare warm bathwater and cook breakfast and wash dishes and iron his clothes…while he sleeps an extra 2 hours. Yes, I will do my fair share of course, but I’m sorry, he has two working hands, is an adult and can do it himself if he wants hot bath water or a fancy breakfast. One of the madames was questioning me today about whether I’d cooked him breakfast this morning. She simply would not relent even as I told her that he’s not hungry when he first wakes up (and when I’m eating) so he comes home mid-morning while I’m at work and makes something for himself. Foreign concept to her. She just said “oh pachoko pachoko.” Which means “slowly by slowly” so basically implying that I’m just a newbie and that one day I’ll come to realize that it’s my duty to do such things. Umm no. I think she would keel over and die if she realized that we prepare our meals together, diving the work, and that he still washes his own clothes. Thank goodness he is not the typical Malawian man about such things…. Not that I would be with him if he were.

I feel like with all of my moving I’m getting progressively closer to a realistically Malawian lifestyle. To be clear though, I’m still really pampered since I’m still in teachers’ housing in a place where there is electricity and running water. First, volunteer house. Basically Little America in the midst of Malawi. Cooks, huge house, power, water tank, next to no responsibilities at home. Then came the Lalanne House. Definitely more work – doing our own cooking and cleaning and water boiling. Next to no running water, a.k.a. lots of bucket carrying and water storage when it did come. But still had a feeling of luxury and separation. And now I’m at Banda’s. It’s still on campus so it still has water and electricity. Evenings are much calmer – marking exams together and then early to sleep. Talking and sharing stories during dinner instead of watching a movie. That lack of technology banging into my head constantly is actually really nice. But it also feels much more in the midst of everything. Maybe it’s because we’re surrounded by the other teachers and kids now. Or maybe the difference is just in living with a Malawian. There’s just a different rhythm and styles of doing things. Yesterday the power went out while we were cooking dinner, so we switched to the charcoal cookers. Halfway through the power came back so we switched back and killed the charcoal fire. 2 minutes later, the power went again. Rebuild the fire. Now it’s raining so we have to bring the cookers inside the house. Smoke wafting through. Doing everything by candlelight. It was one of those moments where I just thought, “oh Malawi.”

Oh and Suzie’s pregnant. Suzie is one of the brothers’ dogs but she’s ancient. The Matriarch of the whole clan. Cannot believe she is pregnant at her age. But alas she is. And so is Special the little hussy. So I think we’re gonna get a puppy! Whoohooo! The only reason I didn’t before is because I didn’t make nsima at home… yes dogs eat nsima too…. But now we do, so why not! Now the only question is which litter to pick from. I’m leaning towards Suzie because she spawned Special who’s awesome. And while Special is great, her offspring? Meh. Teteza? PJ? I’m not convinced of her breeding skills. So I think it’ll be Suzie if she has any that I ‘connect with.’ Looking forward to that day! I miss having puppies around.